When the Snake Slithers In

The other day, literary agent Janet Reid wrote a fantastic post advising someone who'd received destructive feedback on their work AND on themselves as a writer. Even though Ms. Reid's words are geared toward the writing life, I think they work on a personal level as well.

Ms. Reid, referring to the beta reader, says, "She's quite clearly someone who takes great satisfaction in making people feel small . . . It's the behavior of a third grade bully. Again, not the conduct of a self-actualized adult . . . ."

Have you ever dealt with someone like that? I have, and I admit, I was gobsmacked (love that word!) by the incident. But as time went on, I became more upset with myself than the person because I continued to let the words hurt me. They would slither into my brain, a snake sinking its venomous fangs into my spirit, poisoning all that was creative and good and wacky in my mind. I struggled with how to stop it from happening, but I didn't have the antidote.

Until now. 

"There is no way her words won't continue to cut at you. Words do that. It will take a while to stop thinking about what she said. One way to do that (and you do need to stop that) is give yourself a mantra to say every time you think of her, and a specific thing to divert your mind to instead. (I use the rosary for this; when I think of something that is unsettling me I recite one Hail Mary and then turn my mind to something else. It takes practice but it works.)"

I probably won't use the Hail Mary (much to my maternal grandmother's chagrin) so I'm open to suggestions. I've got lots of affirming and positive quotes I can fish through but I'm turning to you all first. What's your antidote for that darn snake, your go-to mantra, your action plan? How do you keep the bullies from winning?

Ask Yourself This

I came across the following in a magazine awhile back and it about blew my mind. I hate to admit it, but I am so guilty of this:

"WAS IT A BAD DAY

OR

WAS IT A BAD FIVE MINUTES

THAT YOU MILKED ALL DAY?'

(-sdevanny1)

Now, whenever I catch myself in a bad mood, I stop and ask myself that question. 

Sometimes the answer is "Yes, it was a bad day, and chocolate better be forthcoming." (That's when my poor husband wishes he had a shell like the tortoises!) 

But most times the answer is, "No, it was a moment of aggravation, of annoyance, of frustration that I let get under my skin." Once I realize that, it's like all the little dust bunnies of gloom scatter, and I can see all the shiny surfaces of my life - all the big things I am grateful for, like my husband, our health, our home - as well as the smaller moments of joy and peace I experience throughout the day - reading a good book while drinking hot coffee, watching the tortoises doze happily under their heat lamp. 

Sure, we all have bad days, but maybe we don't have as many as we think we do. 

*****

How about you? Are you guilty of milking those five minutes, too? Will you try asking - and answering - the question? Have any other suggestions for gaining some perspective? How do you focus on gratitude instead of a negative attitude?

Goodbye, Garbage!

I don't read a lot of nonfiction. When I do, it's usually about the craft of writing, about someone inspiring, or about some way to improve myself and my life. I was recently inspired by The Law of the Garbage Truck by David J. Pollay. 

The basic premise is that by not letting others dump their "garbage" (negativity, fear, etc) on us, we can be better, happier people. Some words from the book jacket:

* Avoid getting dumped on by rude, thoughtless, and angry people

* Stop reliving the negative in your past, and fearing the future

* Focus on what you can control, not the negative things you can't 

* Gain the courage to enjoy every day, do what you love, and make a difference

Two quizzes really opened my eyes to how I was living my life and how I was letting others influence me. I try very hard not to burden others with negativity and drama, so I was pleased when I got a good score - "dump a light load" - on "Are You a Garbage Dumper?" However, I was shocked to see the "heavy load" of garbage I accept in my life on "Are You a Garbage Accepter?" - "Almost every day you are set back by the negative behavior of others and bothered by the things you can't control. You let too many Garbage Trucks dump on you, and you create too much of your own garbage." Whoa!

So, I'm trying to do better, be better, with all of that. And I think it's working, too, at least most days. I definitely recommend this book, especially if you're anything like me - soaking up way too much garbage, whether that of others or of your own making. 

* I received nothing in exchange for this mini review/recommendation. I enjoyed the book, learned from it, and wanted to share it. *

In the Spirit of Sharing

When I feel down in the dumps, I usually wallow a bit then try to pick myself back up by reading or watching fun or positive things. So, in the spirit of sharing - the good stuff, not my moodiness - here are a few things that brought me a little further out of my funk.

*****

If I wasn't already a crazy fan-girl of Joshilyn Jackson's, this post would start me on the path. Every time I read it, I want to fist pump the air and holler, YES!

An Open Letter to the Fat Girl I Saw at Hot Yoga in New York City.

*****

These two videos just make me smile - for different reasons. I came across them through the DailyGood.org site.  They're only a few minutes each so if you need a smile today, check them out. Enjoy!

When You Love What You Do

I am not a big fan of going to the dentist but it has nothing to do with the actual dentist or the hygienist. In fact, these are two people who love what they do. The dentist has a big, positive personality - it fills the room - and let me tell you, he knows teeth. The hygienist is meticulous and sweet and also has a positive attitude. Now, do they have a positive attitude because they love what they do or is it that they simply apply that positive attitude to everything they do? I wonder.  

Now, as a writer, I complain. A lot. About rejection, about writer's block, about the changing publishing industry, etc. You get the picture. The funny thing is, I love what I do. I mean it. I grouse and grumble but when everything clicks - when the characters are talking to me, when the setting solidifies before my eyes, when all the plot pieces come to fit seamlessly - I know I am doing what I am meant to do. Actually, I know that anyway. I know I'm meant to write, I know I'm supposed to be a writer. And that is why, and that is how, I get through the bad days.

Having pretty, clean teeth doesn't hurt anything either.