TOO MANY OF US ARE NOT LIVING OUR DREAMS
BECAUSE WE ARE LIVING OUR FEARS
I am too afraid of what people think of me. Not everyone and not all the time, but I find myself worrying about how some people will perceive what I do or don't do, what I say or don't say, etc. Part of this stems from a lifetime of feeling like I was on the outside looking in, observing how others - "normal" people - acted and spoke and lived. As a kid, I felt like all the other kids were playing a game that I didn't know the rules for. As an adult, I often just don't "get" people.
On the rare occasion when I have spoken up - usually done oh so carefully so as to ruffle the least amount of feathers as possible! - the reaction is still often disrespectful. So, I've learned to - mostly! - keep myself to myself, and put on the appropriate face and say the appropriate words and do the appropriate things…while I slowly wither away inside.
And I am so, so tired of it.
I don't know about you all, but I am old enough, and at a stage in my life, that this should not be an issue. And I am incredibly angry at myself that it is.
Standing up for ourselves and dealing with the consequences is an emotional roller coaster where guilt and sadness and frustration twist our hearts and guts into unrecognizable shapes. But constantly doing what others want and saying what is expected is exhausting and a betrayal of our spirit.
So, if there's a pretty good chance I'm going to be unhappy or hurt or guilt-ridden either way, then I am going to choose being who I am, and hope that, sooner rather later, I will become stronger and tougher and more myself than ever.
What - or who - will you choose?