BESIDES THE NOBLE ART OF GETTING THINGS DONE,
THERE IS A NOBLER ART
OF LEAVING THINGS UNDONE.
(Lin Yutang)
When I was a new adult and out on my own for the first time, I somehow got it into my head that I needed to do everything and be everything and be good at it all. I was supposed to go to my job then come home and write and study for the graduate school entrance exam and keep the apartment clean and nicely decorated and cook good meals and be positive and spiritual and welcoming and social and smart and the best girlfriend (then wife) and daughter and...and...and....
I'm exhausted just writing that sentence. Not only because it's a long one, but also because once again I am experiencing that utterly overwhelmed and hopeless feeling of never living up to impossible standards. Standards I somehow set for myself based on long-held beliefs, things other people said and did, self help books, articles in magazines, TV shows, etc.
Next week, I've got a quote for you about finishing things. I know it seems odd after today's post, but together they sum up one of the most important things I've learned. Some things need to be finished. They need the time and effort and passion and creativity we possess. They deserve it. For me, writing and being a great partner to my husband are two of those things. For you, it might be something different. But the thing is, not everything needs or deserves that much of us. It took me a long time to understand that it doesn't mean I failed just because something didn't get 100% of me or everything didn't get done. I so wish I had known that back then. I think I would've enjoyed myself and my life more. But you know what? I know it now and that's what counts.
Do you - or did you - struggle with leaving things undone? If you're good at prioritizing what's important and what's not, how do you do it?
If you give one thing a hundred percent, what's left to give everything else?
ReplyDeleteApparently, I thought I had to give everything 100%, but that's mathematically impossible. I never was very good at math. :)
DeleteOh, man--you make me tired. For starters--quit cleaning! Stuff just gets dirty again! But it's my deep belief that you really can only do a couple things well--pick those and give in to just 'good enough' on the other stuff.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Hart - I'm getting better at focusing on what's important to me and letting the rest go, or at least not letting it take up so much of my time and energy. :)
DeleteI have this problem. I try to be all and do all, and I just end up frustrated. I'm trying to teach myself which things I can let go of, at least for a time, so that I can focus on the things that are really important. It's a hard process for me.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a nice Monday.
Isn't that the kicker, Dana? We try so hard, and we do accomplish a good chunk of things that we should be happy with but we're not, because it wasn't "everything" or it wasn't "enough." Sigh.
DeleteI'm right there with you! It's not until we lived in NYC, I gave birth to #3, we spent our Christmas doing everything for everyone else, and my first possibly book contract fell through that I learned that lesson. It seriously took about six months to bounce back from the burn out, and though I may be capable of handling more than I did at that point, I never push past that beeping red light in my head. You have to know the threshold.
ReplyDeleteWhew! That sounded like a rough time.
DeleteI like the idea of the red light in my head. Maybe a traffic light - when it gets to yellow, I better slow down? And red means stop? :)
I was an over achiever during my early years. I just don't have the umph these days. I pick my battles and the rest can wait their turn.
ReplyDeleteI think I have some perfectionist tendencies which cause some of that "do all and be all" philosophy. I like your idea of picking the battles.... :)
DeleteOh man, I needed this so much right now. I've taken so much on, and I'm starting to panic, and I know I'll start dropping more and more balls until I can get it all figured out. But I need to make the time to spend with my kids before school starts first. They come first.
ReplyDeleteShannon at The Warrior Muse
It sounds like you already know what is - or who is - important. You'll be fine. :)
DeleteI love this quote and can definitely relate. My biggest problem is I make a big list for myself that I say I need to finish but then I end up feeling overwhelmed and wind up doing nothing. I'm not very good at setting priorities!
ReplyDeleteI hear you, Julie! My lists have lists. :)
DeleteMan, I so needed this! I'm about to embark on the next big move, and I think keeping all this in mind will help me keep my sanity :) Great post!
ReplyDeleteSarah Allen
(From Sarah, with Joy)
Thanks, Sarah. You'll do fine. A new move is a great opportunity to start over, not only physically in a new place but also mentally, emotionally, etc. :)
DeleteOne of the greatest skills we can learn is what not to do. Sometimes it doesn't match our goals.
ReplyDelete-Maurice Mitchell
The Geek Twins | Film Sketchr
I read/heard once that we shouldn't have a To Do list, but that we should have a To Not Do list - the things on it don't bring us closer to our goals, aren't priorities, etc.
DeleteI'm pretty good about prioritizing and making sure to focus on the big stuff. It's the little nagging things that don't get done that bother the hell outta me!
ReplyDeleteI think the trick is to not let those little things get to us, to find a way to really let them go. Easier said than done, I know!
DeleteI think it's important to realize when something is "done" to the best of our abilities, even though it isn't "done" the way we had initially envisioned the finished product to be.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. I also think there's a difference between when something is "done" as opposed to "finished."
Delete