Wednesday, October 4, 2017

IWSG: Bending vs Breaking


Learn More

When does pushing yourself, challenging yourself, turn into something else? When we beat ourselves up instead of cheering ourselves on? When we thrash and sink instead of swim with a strong, steady stroke?

I'm tired of not accomplishing what I set out to do. Some of it is not in my control - and I'm okay with that - but a lot is. I decided to do something about it. In addition to the usual things life throws at us, including a physical and a date with the scale I am so not looking forward to, I'm working on time management, decluttering, prioritizing. I'm in the middle of a number of writing projects, including prepping for NaNo. I'm stretching my social muscles by actually going out into the world. (Gasp!) I'm going to Sisters in Crime meetings, taking some art and exercise classes, trying some new activities.

And I want to crawl back inside my shell and hide.

The writing part is hard for many reasons. (I don't have to tell you all that!) The social part is hard for other reasons. (Anxiety, anyone?) But if I want to do better and be better, be the best me I can be, then I have to strive. I don't mind bending. I just don't want to break.

Where do you draw the line for yourself? When is enough, enough? How do you know when to take a break, take a breath?

67 comments:

  1. Oh, Madeline,
    You have asked a difficult question. I too have an overloaded plate because of unexpected turbulences, i.e.. my husband sickness which is incurable. I think for me my writing is important. It keeps me level. So I continue to work on my book, and write my IWSG articles and participate in the WEP every two or three months. I continue to sing but not as much in the public as I used to sing. However, I continue to play the keyboards for my rock band because music is so important to me and I love the closeness to the band members. We're quite a team. There are other things that I continue to do also that I won't mention here. With all this said, my day begins with God. I meditate on the words that I read in my daily meditation and I trust that God will order my day and redeem my time. And He does. I've learned through my meditation for example that it is necessary for me to take naps and I take at least one to two naps a day.
    I don't know whether this will help you but I felt the need to share with you how I overcome an overflowing plate.
    Wishing you all the best.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Pat G @ EverythingMustChange

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pat, thank you so much for sharing this. And I am sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your husband....

      I should take more naps, but I don't, even though I can feel my body and mind telling me it needs a rest. I keep saying I'm going to meditate then never do. I am signed up for a series of yoga classes so I'm hoping that will help somewhat.

      Delete
  2. If you're feeling like you need to take a break, then you have to follow your instincts. Writing is supposed to be cathartic, but if the writing itself is causing you anxiety, then it isn't doing it's job at the moment. I feel you. Take a deep breath whenever necessary. And sometimes I find all I need is a few days' break, and I'm good to go again. Other times, I need a lot longer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Raimey. Right now, the writing, even though it's wild and out of control, is one of the few things keeping me focused, on purpose. :)

      I do need to listen to my body and mind more, take breaths and breaks when they tell me to. I tend to fight those instincts because they don't feel "productive."

      Delete
  3. Know when to say when. It's all right to say no sometimes. You'll know when to do it.
    But keep pushing yourself to get out more in the world. It does get easier.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The going out in the world stuff is often really hard for me and takes a lot of effort and energy, leaving me drained after, but I'll keep trying. :)

      Delete
  4. Oh Madeline, I too have an anxiety problem but I'm trying to overcome it and to a certain extent I've managed to do that.
    Btw.. what is Sisters in Crime meetings? Is is a group of writers?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anxiety is awful, isn't it? Sigh. And it's worse when people mock it or make us feel even worse about it.

      Sisters in Crime is a national org (International??) of readers and writers of mysteries. I've gone to a couple of meetings of my local chapter. It was interesting.

      Delete
  5. Following your instincts is important. I used to fight against my body. Okay, I sometimes still do, but I've gotten better at listening when I need a break from the computer or need a nap or a walk. Balancing is tough, especially when it involves socializing. I don't know if I'll ever completely manage it, but we've got to keep on trying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really need to do better when it comes to listening to what I need, physically and otherwise. The anxiety/socializing has gotten worse over the years, but I keep trying to manage it the best I can. :)

      Delete
  6. I'm not sure what I can add to the great thoughts ad food for thought that everyone else has left in their comments. Definitely listen to your body and your spirit - if you think it might be time for a break, it probably is. Keeping you in my thoughts. Cheers - Ellen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Ellen. I appreciate that. I'm lucky, though, that things aren't terrible or anything like that. Just lots of small things that are adding up...and up.

      Delete
  7. I learned a long time ago when to stop and back away. That said, I've broken my goals into small achievable steps. The goal is not to fail but to work toward something I can manage.

    I hope your changes bring you a sense of success. If you start to slip remember to be kind to yourself. Self talk can hurt the most. :-)

    Anna from elements of emaginette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like what you said about the goal being to work toward something manageable.

      Oh, that negative self-talk is terrible, isn't it? It figures I'm so good at it, though. Sigh.

      Delete
  8. It's so hard to stretch outside our comfort zone, and the author world is definitely that, presumably until you "make it"--I felt less a fraud when I was publishing mainstream books, but I never sold so well as to feel fully legit... and the last one was 2014, so there's that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder sometimes what "make it" really looks like, feels like. Will I ever experience it?

      Delete
  9. Good luck with going out into the real world.

    I'm not sure I've figured out when I should take a break. Probably why I crash often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know my body and spirit are very unhappy with me when I "crash."

      Delete
  10. I've been working on the social part. I find it's getting easier the more I try to do things social.

    I draw the line when I start to exhaust myself, which I tend to do a lot and isn't good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you, Chrys! :)

      I'm always thinking I can take one more step over that "exhausted" line, do one more thing...then another...and another.

      Delete
  11. I struggle with all of these things, too, Madeline. Your goals are very similar to mine. I have a date with a physical and a scale that's coming up in 75 days. I'm on a countdown and that isn't a whole lot of fun. I try to give myself breaks (socially, physically, etc) at least once a week, because if I don't I have a tendency to just throw my hands up in the air and say 'noooo!' to all the healthy stuff. So, mini breaks help me keep going - or at least that's the new plan. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll send you positive physical/scale vibes! :)

      You are totally right about how when we get overwhelmed all the healthy stuff tends to go out the window. Mini-breaks are a great idea!

      Delete
  12. Thanks for sharing that. I, too, have trouble with getting out in the world (socially). I have been somewhat thrust out there for the last 15 years, and am more and more wanting to crawl back into my hole and pull it in after me. But as some public duties are ending, this is my chance to be out there as a writer, instead, and I need to follow you to the Sisters in Crime group and similar things!

    So what you accomplished this week is to maybe help inspire a fellow introvert into pushing a little harder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rebecca, thanks so much for saying this post might have helped you a bit. That really means a lot.

      I'm hopefully getting better at choosing the social things I pouch myself to try - yoga, art, writing groups - so it's in a direction I want to go - health, creativity, career.

      Delete
  13. I hear you on the social stuff (the writing side, too, of course...). I hate leaving the house, but keep trying to force myself to do it. And I always make sure I have some down time/alone time built in somewhere. Even if it is just an extra long shower one morning.

    And I echo emaginette's suggestions of being kind to yourself. I'm truly terrible at that, and I have no idea how to change it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a true homebody. I really do think I was a tortoise in another life. Or maybe another animal that carries its home around. :)

      I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves. What that looks like, I'm not sure, but positive self-talk is a good place to start.

      Delete
  14. The social stuff is not something I struggle with... but I'm married to someone who does NOT enjoy social excursions, so I can peripherally understand your struggle. Good for you in terms of the time management, decluttering, prioritizing efforts. That struggle is real, and I fear it may be endless. I may not have trouble interacting with complete strangers, but procrastination by distraction? Oh my, yes. Right here. This gal. Keep fighting the good fight. The world needs your words! Thanks for the post, and happy writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband is better at social stuff than I am, although he doesn't particularly enjoy the small-talk type of thing. :)

      You keep fighting the good fight, too! :)

      Delete
  15. My hubby and I have always been extroverts and when we were young, we were verrrrry socially active. As we've gotten older, though, we've become increasingly more content to stay at home by ourselves. I guess that means we're old poops now, but I simply don't FEEL like throwing any more parties or going somewhere just for the sake of going somewhere. OR... maybe after all of those years of being super-involved, this is us taking that much-needed "break" now.

    ReplyDelete
  16. When I'm crying on the sofa, I know it's too much for me. I hope things improve and you find yourself able to survive the strain and accomplish what you set out to do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crying on the sofa? Been there, done that! But I know we'll all accomplish what we set out to do. Eventually. :)

      Delete
  17. My husband called me today and asked if I wanted to go see a talk about Alan Turing, the mathematician featured in The Imitation Game. I said yes, and then lamented the loss of my writing time. (Shakes head.) I definitely need to fight my hermit tendencies. And clutter--oy. I've got so much work to do in that department, it boggles the mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the trick is that there's always going to be more stuff - to do, to put away, etc. I'm trying to get better at picking my battles all around. Doesn't always work, but I'm trying. :)

      Delete
  18. Sometimes the things we can't control interfere with our ability to handle what we can control. The standard refrain of "if you want to write, you will make time to write" is sometimes a bit off the mark. Hubs needs a lot of physical care right now, leaving me a bit exhausted in my "free time." So I'm not working on two short stories I'd hoped to submit and WIP gets a few minutes at lunch. And that's just the way it for now and I'm good with that. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's very smart to recognize where you're at in life, what you're able to handle in the moment, etc. You keep doing that and hang in there!

      Delete
  19. Don't break. Some bending exercise is good for your muscles though.
    I don't like social interaction much myself, they are invariably hard for me, but I love socializing online. For introverts like me, the internet is a gift beyond words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's why I'm taking yoga, so I can bend everything all over the place. :)

      As much as I complain about technology, I don't know what I'd do without this blog and all of you guys. Oh, and being able to request library books online. :)

      Delete
  20. They say life starts outside your comfort zone. I like to live one foot in, one foot out. It's a start, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Replies
    1. I think a lot of us are in this boat. Let's start paddling and get somewhere good!

      Delete
  22. I had to step back from some of the responsibilities I had taken on. I prioritized my family first and then my writing and then all the social and writing group stuff. It felt good and I'm still too busy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet you're busy more with the "right" things for you now, though, and that's important.

      Delete
  23. Huh. I don't know when enough is enough. Usually, it all manifests itself physically in me. I'll get headaches, stomach pains, and insomnia. Then I know I need to back off and just let things be instead of trying to force it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For me, if I hit a certain level of anxiety, stress, etc, it starts to show up on my skin more than anywhere else. I learned that lesson the hard way awhile ago so I'm much more aware of it now.

      Delete
  24. Learning how to say no isn't easy, and giving myself permission to say when is even tougher. From this post it seems you have a lot going on, but it all sounds exciting and challenging. Good luck on all your ventures!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Often when I say "no", I tend to get argued with, mocked or ignored in a pissy way, not in an accepting/agree to disagree kind of way. Just recently I agonized over whether to do something, finally decided to do it then received nothing in return, not even a quick "Thanks!" Sigh.

      But I thank you for the good luck wishes, and I will continue to aim for gratitude and positivity!

      Delete
  25. Working together with your regular writing friends can be very stimulating. Getting together with other writers you don't know can be harder. Go ahead and keep pushing yourself. It'll be worth it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tell myself that even if one experience doesn't work out, maybe the next one will. You never know unless you keep trying. :)

      Delete
  26. Hang in there. When I start getting depressed, I know it's too much. Social interaction is something I tend to avoid. . .except on the internet. As to the rest, I hit what's important and take the rest in stride, even letting some things go until I can take things on again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you re the depression. It feels like a pulling inward, a wanting to hide in our shells. Definitely something to keep an eye on. Don't want to stay in there too long!

      Delete
  27. Your writing will be better when you listen to your inner self. If you need a rest, do so if only for 5-10 minutes. If you need a break, take one. The classes & meetings can help. I get so much from my RWA chapter meetings. I come home energized. I need to exercise but don't want to take the time. That's something I need to work on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm thinking of switching up when I exercise, see if that helps with the energy, physical and creative. I'm also going to start yoga soon so we'll see how that goes.

      Delete
  28. I do so get what you say about not breaking. I admit I feel broken too often, but then start again. Here are two quotes I use to remind myself that I can change my world. It is a matter of mind follow with action in the end. Hang in there as with all things including writing those that persist eventually overcome for a while at any rate.

    "Where your thoughts go your energy flow." Tony Robbins.
    “The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for these quotes, Juneta! And I'm glad we're all glueing ourselves back together after we crack or crack up. :)

      Delete
  29. Hello, my name is Donna and I'm a hermit. Yup, I have to force myself out of the house. Great post!
    DB McNicol, author

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hee hee! We could have a support group for us hermits but then who would come?! :) Chocolate might help lure some of us there...

      Delete
  30. To be honest, stretching your social muscles is probably the best thing you can do for your writing (as long as you write as well).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. It's often just that the social stuff takes a lot of energy so when it's over, I'm drained and need to recuperate a bit...but then I'm back. :)

      Delete
  31. Honestly, is there anything harder than getting out in the world when you'd so much prefer to be a hermit? I struggle with that too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe all us hermits should live in the same neighborhood then we'd be together without really having to go out and be together. :)

      Delete
  32. Oh, I am so proud of you! You are taking charge and you WILL see the results. I've been shy for a long time before they started calling it social anxiety. But getting out an interacting with others of a like mind really helps build the old confidence. Keep going! Even though it's easier to stay home. Trust me. I get that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Liza! I find certain things are easier to do than others, especially the things that are related to books and writing. Even if they involve people. :)

      Delete
  33. That line is different for everyone. It does sound like you're taking on an awful lot of new endeavours at once, so burn out is a risk. All I can say is treat yourself kindly. If you're feeling exhausted/overwhelmed, don't feel badly about taking a day or night off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I usually have a number of writing projects going, but those don't tend to stress me out nearly as much as the "other/normal" things I'm attempting.

      Delete