Well, I'm closing in on my Year of Yes. Or, as I am now calling it, my Year of Yawn.
It all started here, in October 2012. I did an update post in February 2013, then another one in June 2013. And now here we are, October again.
I wouldn't say my goal of doing 40 new and different things was a complete failure, but it certainly wasn't the success I'd hoped for. I did do some fun stuff, and I did manage to say "no" to others on occasion which meant saying "yes" to me. I just didn't open myself up to the experience the way I'd thought I would. Instead, I often felt pressured to do and to be and to push. It was exhausting.
But I did learn a few things: I like my comfort zone. I like my home and the area where I live. I enjoy "quiet" things - reading, watching favorite TV shows, going to the movies during off times, walking on the beach early in the morning. I'm not so keen on crowds and traveling all over the place and doing/thinking/feeling what I'm "supposed to." And all of that is okay!
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to stay open to the new and the different. I'm still going to challenge myself. The difference is in the attitude. For example - the idea of hurtling down a mountain on skis scares me, but since I honestly have no desire to ski anyway, I'm not going to force myself to get over that fear. Now, the idea of swinging from a trapeze also scares me but that is something I would love to do, so I'll put my effort and energy into conquering that fear (and into building some upper body strength!)
I am no longer trying to fix what I often thought was a cracked, broken base. Instead, I am going to improve upon a foundation that is flawed but is already pretty good to begin with. I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed.
So, as my birthday rolls around later this month, I hope to give myself a gift that has been a long time coming: the gift of my messy, sharp, weird, quiet, and, ultimately grateful self.