A PARTY WITHOUT CAKE
IS JUST A MEETING.
(Julia Child)
I was never really the most conventional person, but when I was younger, I tended to cling to more of society's "rules" than I do now. I wanted to be the "adult" I thought I should be, the one other people thought I should be.
So, when my husband and I were invited to dinner at an acquaintance's home, I did what I was taught to do. I brought something, in this case a nice store-bought cake. The hostess thanked me, put it on the counter . . . where it sat for the rest of the night. We had a nice dinner, pleasant conversation. We helped clean up. Then . . . nothing. No coffee. No cake. No ice cream. No fruit and cheese. Nothing. Just a goodnight, see you soon, we should do this again . . . .
I was flabbergasted. This was against the "rules"! This is not how "adults" behave! (The ride home was like the "Marble Rye" episode of Seinfeld. Who doesn't serve cake? How can you not serve cake? And no coffee? How can you not serve coffee after dinner?)
But you know what? If that same thing happened today, to the person I am now, I'd either ask directly, "Are we having dessert?" or I'd just shrug and have my own cake when I got home.
And I am a much happier person for it.
Obviously she didn't go to the same school of etiquette as you and I. :)
ReplyDeleteLove Julia's quote!
It was just so strange! But now I can laugh about it and also my reaction to it. :)
DeleteHeck. I'd be like, "I brought cake! Let's eat!" And head right into the kitchen to start slicing. Or I'd want to take it back. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd do that now, sure, but then? Not so much.
DeleteThat "Marble Rye" episode is hilarious because George does try to get the bread back.... :)
LOL. I like coffee in the evening but so many people don't drink caffeine in the PM. But I can't imagine having guests for dinner and not having dessert and even better when the guest brings it.
ReplyDeleteAt least offer it, right? Coffee, tea, a fruit platter, a make your own sundae bar, something. :)
DeleteI feel like it's one thing to not serve dessert, but to do nothing with the one you brought? That's weird and rude and frankly, just sad. Everyone missed out on cake!
ReplyDeleteBut not everyone missed out on cake - they still had it! That's the crying shame of it all. For all I know, they ate it after we left. :o
DeleteThe only time I ever baked a cake and brought it to a get-together, I am pleased to report that not only was it eaten, but those partaking in the cake actually said nice things about it. At least to my face. Who know what was said after I left...
ReplyDeleteBut yeah. Your experience is weird and rude. Love the quote. Julia Child is wise, indeed.
I'm sure your cake was delicious!
DeleteIt really was a strange experience. But, hey, I got a blog post out of it. :)
That is weird! Maybe they thought the cake was just for them. Or they never planned to have dessert so they ignored it?
ReplyDeleteHmm, I never quite thought of either of those scenarios....
DeleteGreat quote from Julia. I would've thought the hostess would have at least asked if you wanted coffee, even if she didn't offer you cake.
ReplyDeleteIf she had offered coffee or tea, then I would've brought up the cake. Without that opening, I had nowhere to go. :)
DeleteFantastic quote and love that story! I would have been stunned dessert was not served too. Yet, like you, now that I'm older, I'd shrug it off and have ice cream. :) Have a lovely week.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm older, I'd almost prefer to leave early and go home to curl up with some ice cream and watch Project Runway. :)
DeleteLOL as I was reading I immediately thought of the Marble Rye episode! I cracked up when you mentioned it too. My family and I still quote that hilarious coffee without cake conversation.
ReplyDeleteIt was so close to that conversation! My husband and I were driving home, and I had this flash of "OMG, we sound just like the Costanzas!" All we needed was George in the backseat. :)
DeleteMadeline, there's a time when I would also have been shocked at no cake. And during the time we lived in France, no one went to a dinner without wine, flowers, or chocolate, and those things were always shared--even the flowers went in a vase on the table. I don't know if things have changed there, but they sure have changed in the U.S.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere that you shouldn't bring flowers because it's a hassle for the host/hostess to find a vase, fill it with water, arrange the flowers, etc. And the host/hostess could be allergic to that particular kind of flower or just not like the scent. Me, I like flowers and would totally appreciate the gesture, but I'd prefer wine or chocolate. :)
DeleteLOL...Me today, I'd cut myself a slice and put the coffee on. No one should ever say make myself at home, because I will. hehehe
ReplyDeleteAnna from elements of emaginette
Ha ha! :)
DeleteMaybe you could have asked her 'What have you planned for dessert or should I just slice the cake?" Does seem a little strange! Bring her a side dish next time!
ReplyDeleteA side dish is an excellent idea!
DeleteYou would've been horrified if you came to dinner at my house. I didn't even know coffee was a dinner thing! Though, I probably would've cut the cake and sent the rest home with you. :)
ReplyDeleteI guess it really just depends on what you grew up with, what experiences you had, etc. And my family and all our social gatherings and interactions were big on desserts. :)
DeleteI don't have a coffee maker or coffee, so I'd really piss you off. :) But I'd be happy to serve the cake.
ReplyDeleteShe probably just wanted it all to herself, the cake-hoarder.
See, that's how I thought you were supposed to do things, that was how "adults" behaved etc. Now I'd be good if we all just grabbed forks and dug into the cake. :)
DeleteYeah, I used to be so anal about having everything perfect when I entertained that it took weeks of work, hundreds of dollars, and turned me into a stressed-out wreck.
DeleteI eventually stopped having people over altogether. I'll never forget one evening in particular. After cleaning and cooking for days, a "friend" moved my couch across the room and made fun of me in front of everyone for the cat hair underneath. I'd totally forgotten about checking under the couch when I vacuumed!
I couldn't win. It just wasn't worth it. Much better to go to a restaurant and let someone else deal with that hassle.
You mean we're supposed to check under the couch when we vacuum??? Gulp! :)
DeleteI like your idea of just going out to eat. You could order in, either.
It has taken me a long time (and I still think I'm understanding) that there are no rules. No certain ways to be or do things.
ReplyDeleteI used to think that when I grew up (currently 30) I'd be wearing heels, paying a mortgage and saving for retirement. Instead I have one pair of sandals, rent a house and spend most of my free money on indie book publishing. There is no right and no wrong. There's just who you are and what makes you happy. :)
I hear you! Even I might not serve dessert now...okay, that would probably never happen. I'd be more likely to serve dessert instead of dinner. That's a great "rule" to break! :)
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