Well, I'm closing in on my Year of Yes. Or, as I am now calling it, my Year of Yawn.
It all started here, in October 2012. I did an update post in February 2013, then another one in June 2013. And now here we are, October again.
I wouldn't say my goal of doing 40 new and different things was a complete failure, but it certainly wasn't the success I'd hoped for. I did do some fun stuff, and I did manage to say "no" to others on occasion which meant saying "yes" to me. I just didn't open myself up to the experience the way I'd thought I would. Instead, I often felt pressured to do and to be and to push. It was exhausting.
But I did learn a few things: I like my comfort zone. I like my home and the area where I live. I enjoy "quiet" things - reading, watching favorite TV shows, going to the movies during off times, walking on the beach early in the morning. I'm not so keen on crowds and traveling all over the place and doing/thinking/feeling what I'm "supposed to." And all of that is okay!
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to stay open to the new and the different. I'm still going to challenge myself. The difference is in the attitude. For example - the idea of hurtling down a mountain on skis scares me, but since I honestly have no desire to ski anyway, I'm not going to force myself to get over that fear. Now, the idea of swinging from a trapeze also scares me but that is something I would love to do, so I'll put my effort and energy into conquering that fear (and into building some upper body strength!)
I am no longer trying to fix what I often thought was a cracked, broken base. Instead, I am going to improve upon a foundation that is flawed but is already pretty good to begin with. I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed.
So, as my birthday rolls around later this month, I hope to give myself a gift that has been a long time coming: the gift of my messy, sharp, weird, quiet, and, ultimately grateful self.
Pushing yourself means becoming a better person - in your own style. Not someone else's style.
ReplyDeleteI'd try skiing, but I'll cheer for you on that trapeze from the ground.
That's the trick, isn't it?
DeleteAnd thanks for the cheers, but maybe bring an extra net, too. :)
Hey at least you learned things and that in and of itself makes for a success! I always love learning new things about myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI like learning things about myself, too - I just wish they tended to be more positive things than a lot of the weird stuff I figure out. :)
Sounds like a success overall then, if it's helped you to learn who you are and what you like. Sometimes sitting quietly at home is just the thing you need to do. Looking forward to your post about learning the trapeze :-)
ReplyDeleteThat trapeze post won't be for awhile yet. First, I want to lose more weight, then I want to get physically stronger, but it's one of those things I really want to try so.... :)
DeleteThe trapeze would scare the bejesus out of me. I'm not a fan of heights. All in all it sounds like it was a success.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it was a success, just not in the way I'd anticipated.
DeleteIt's the process of pushing past your fear that gives the most results Madeline. I call it a success.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Maurice!
DeleteLike everyone else, I have to yell SUCCESS!!!! What's great is you KNOW what you want to do, where you want to be... that's what's most important. The rest is just chasing your tail!
ReplyDeleteI hear you from all the way over here! :)
DeleteI think some people spend thousands of dollars at a therapist to figure out what you did about yourself.
ReplyDeleteI like my quiet life too. There are some things I'd like to try that aren't quite so quiet but being comfortable in my activities becomes more important every year.
Well now I really feel better - learned about myself and saved money! :)
DeleteI think that's the key - being comfortable in our activities and our life and our lifestyle, no matter what other people think or say about it.
Accepting ourselves sometimes feels like our life's work -- so you're well ahead of the curve, Madeline.
ReplyDeleteI might be ahead but I'm certainly not there yet. Maybe one of these days. :)
DeleteIt's great that you realized you're happy with what you like and enjoy and already have! I agree with you, I love quiet time and definitely have a comfort zone. I think the fact that you learned some things makes the year a success no matter what. It was a great project!
ReplyDeleteI thought of you last night when I saw that the Walking Dead was back. I hope you enjoyed the premiere! :)
Thank you, Julie. :)
DeleteAnd TWD was AWESOME!