THE THING THAT IS REALLY HARD, AND REALLY AMAZING,
IS GIVING UP ON BEING PERFECT
AND BEGINNING THE WORK OF BECOMING YOURSELF.
(Anna Quindlen)
I always thought that being myself should be the easiest thing I ever do, and that there's something incredibly wrong with me that I struggle with it so much. I mean, come on! There's only one of me, there will only be one of me, ever. Doesn't that mean I pretty much make the rules for who I am?
Apparently, I did not get that memo. Or, if I did, I threw it away with lots of other important memos, including how to make a roast chicken and how to fold a fitted sheet. I always wanted something different. It wasn't a commentary or a judgement on anyone or anything else. I just wanted to be me, to feel good in my own skin.
But it's one thing to chafe against other people and their opinions. It's a whole other thing to chafe against yourself, to question and worry who you are as if your soul is nothing but a dog's chew toy. Why did I want to live somewhere else? Why didn't I want to do what most people did? Why did my thoughts and feelings seem at odds with so many of the people I knew? What was wrong with me?
Turns out, nothing. Nothing was - or is - wrong with me. Different does not equal wrong or bad or stupid. The problem is that a lot of people don't understand that. You can disagree with someone yet still respect and even support their choices.
But it really comes down to respecting ourselves and supporting our own choices. I don't know why it's not easy sometimes. I wish I had the answers (if you do, please share in the comments!) but I'm at least comforted to know I'm not alone in my struggles. It's not just me.
You gotta be true to yourself, even if it's hard. Otherwise, it's too easy to blame your problems on others. It makes your writing better, too :) Ugh, and I hate folding fitted sheets.
ReplyDeleteIf we're not comfortable in our own skins, we certainly won't be comfortable in anyone else's.
ReplyDeleteShell - that's a good point about blaming others for our problems. A great example is guilt - we let other people make us feel guilty, we give them that power. (And I've pretty much given up on folding fitted sheets.)
ReplyDeleteAlex - sometimes I feel like I want to break out of my own skin...but I'm working on it.
I read a quote once that said (I'm paraphrasing) "if we talked to other people the way we sometimes talk to ourselves that noone would want to be around us". So true! We need to embrace ourselves!
ReplyDeleteOE - I love that! And it's so true, isn't it? We would never say to someone else all the negative things that are on a loop in our own minds.
ReplyDeleteFurther to what the Optimist above says, I read once and have lived by it since: treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend - I got this piece of invaluable advice from something like Jackie magazine when I was 14. (Actually, it's not 'further' at all, is it, it's just repeating? Sorry!)
ReplyDeleteAnnalisa - good for you for figuring that out so early in life! We'd be so much kinder to ourselves if we acted as our own best friends.
ReplyDeleteAll the best people question themselves - you're not likely to get complacent and self-satisfied anyway! But there's definitely a lot to be said for being comfortable in your skin - embrace your difference and OWN it. :)
ReplyDeletei dont struggle being myself, i struggle with others accepting me (or not) for myself... i know i'm not perfect, but i also dont live to try to please others and step on toes... many times, unintentionally...
ReplyDeleteNick - I try to tell myself, when I'm struggling, that at least I'm trying to do better and be better. That's got to count for something. :)
ReplyDeleteTara - I remind myself constantly that what other people think of me is none of my business. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. :)
It really is hard to be yourself... But once you accomplish it, it is the most liberating thing ever... Well, second to taking your bra off at the end of the day. Never give up, never surrender!!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi
Valerie - ha ha! :) Thanks for joining us here at TSR.
ReplyDeleteshakespeare once said"to thine own self be true". I think he had the right idea :)0
ReplyDeleteNutschell
www.thewritingnut.com
Nutschell - I agree with both of you. :)
ReplyDelete